Hooked on Games: The Lure and Cost of Video Game and Internet Addiction by Brooke Strickland

Author:Brooke Strickland [Strickland, Brooke]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781935576020
Amazon: 193557602X
Publisher: FEP International
Published: 2012-08-02T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 12: The Addiction

Growing up as a Vietnamese immigrant, always trying to fit in while finding my way in life, contributed to my insecurities and bad habits. For one thing, I didn't have direction because I didn’t know God. Because my father had bipolar disorder, and it was extremely disruptive, my family unit as a whole was unstable. There were loud and violent arguments in the home. Family members and adult acquaintances were quick to attack me emotionally by calling me stupid or crazy and constantly discounting my ideas. Some of my family’s hurtful words were meant to motivate me, but instead they left my heart broken and empty. I had low self-esteem and I felt alone. I could not relate to other people around me. My intense yearning for love and acceptance made me dysfunctional. I would do or say anything to win the approval of others. I was an ideal candidate to embrace addictive behaviors in order to facilitate an escape from emotional pain.

I found strength in leadership classes introduced to me by a junior high teacher, Mr. Fox. I was able to build up my confidence and ego through academics and athletics. But external accolades did not heal insecurities rooted in the soul and heart. As I grew older, unfortunately, I used my confidence and leadership abilities to bully others in order to feel that I had control over something in my life.

Both my father and brother suffer from bipolar disorder. They are what is called rapid cyclers and have manic episodes every year, requiring multiple hospitalizations. One time, my father drove our family in reverse on Highway 26 in Oregon because he was angry with other drivers. He then crashed into a ditch with the entire family in the car. On another occasion, he was determined to raise twenty-five chickens in our suburban neighborhood. The police knew him well because he test-drove new cars and didn’t return them to the dealership. I could write an entire book about my dad’s adventures. Although some are amusing when retold, these manic escapades were far from amusing to our family at the time and increased my worry that I might have bipolar disorder. Fortunately, I never developed it, but I still didn’t feel that I had control of my life. I tore people down to make myself feel better. I verbally berated people publicly if I thought they were weaker than me. I was a mess, emotionally and spiritually. I was lost, angry, hateful, frustrated, and hurt. Above all, I had a deep need for love and acceptance. I was broken, and this behavior carried over into my marriage. I did not know how to be a kind and loving partner. My wife Julie and I argued often and were unable to work as a team. I fell into my old pattern, and I ridiculed and criticized her mercilessly. “You don’t do enough around the house.” “You’re lazy.” “You can’t even do laundry on time.” “Without me you would be nothing.

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